Today I wore my power blazer and a great pair of red high heels. I am not going to lie, red is my color and I looked bad ass in this blazer and heels. Why this outfit? Because I was afraid. I heard once that you should dress the way you want to feel. All I wanted was to feel confident and strong. So I put that blazer on and slipped on those heels and walked out my door. Unfortunately today, it didn’t work.
The back story. I had an event for work that I have been to a couple of times before and each time I get so nervous about attending. Not because I have any sort of speaking role or responsibility at the event. No, the fear comes from the potential of failure. You see, my job consists of networking and making connections. Let's be clear, my job is to literally to talk to people, all day, every day. Sometimes I am great at it, I rock it! And sometimes I do not. We all have our days, right?
Today, like many days, I gave myself a little pep talk. I made a goal of handing out a certain amount of business cards and meeting a certain number of new people at the event. Some events like this are easy peasy. Slam dunk! Other nights I leave the event feeling so frustrated that I didn’t hit my goal, or maybe even come close to it. I am literally writing this post in my car, on the side of the road, after the event. I am sure I look so strange to people passing by. I stopped because this experience is on my heart and I want to capture it live and raw. I am sitting in my car, the noise in my head is STRONG (I call this my committee) and the shame game is a deep one right now. I am so disappointed in my lack of confidence, in not hitting my goal.
Writing this to you today, in this moment is me being open and vulnerable with you and to myself. Today I was not the best version of myself, this I know. What I also know is that tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow, I will try to be a better version of myself than I was today. How? I will acknowledge the areas that I need to grow in and I will challenge myself in that growth.
Want to know what is not helping? Sitting in this shame game verbally beating myself up. If one of you had reached out to me and told me you had a bad day, that you weren’t your best self I would say the kindest things and help lift you up and out of that space you were in. So why is it that when I hit a tough spot I don’t use the same kind words to myself? I don’t give myself grace and reassure myself that tomorrow is a new day and that I will do better.
Today I rocked my power blazer and a great pair of red high heels and I was afraid. But today I am making a promise to myself and to you, that next year when I attend this event, because I WILL attend this event again, I will hit those goals. I will have grown, I will have the confidence I wish I had today and I will meet all the people I wished to meet. I owe this to myself.
My challenge to you today is that even when it is hard, even when it is scary, or you don’t hit your goal, please do me a favor, just do it scared. You owe it to yourself. I know you can do it. Let’s do it together.
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It’s amazing how something we wear and feel great in literally work magic for our confidence! Keep the fire burning and let great things manifest!
I am actually going to challenge myself this week to put a little pep in my step when it comes to what I wear to work all week and see what it does for my mood!
Failure and vulnerability lead to self reflection and growth. Would love to have a chat with you about cultural nuances of the northeast and why you felt afraid. Only you knew you were scared – and because of that you lacked confidence. But that’s not how others see you. Let’s chat!
It’s funny. I picture myself like a duck. Above the water, calm, cool, collected. Under the water, feet kicking all over the place like a hot mess. That is how I envisioned myself that night.